It's The End Right?

I think it's the end for me and Sergio. All we do now is defending ourselves and pointing out that each other is at fault. He got tired of me;tired of me being so short-tempered all the time and not trusting him when he goes out. Tired of me not giving him enough care, attention and love. It started when we went to a party last night at 10.15pm organized by the people from the school and I must say that the party was awfully lousy. The DJ sucks and I was practically alone with knowing no one from the school. Most of them were friends of Sergio which I also know but I don't really know how to communicate with them. Since I was tired and my leg was hurting I decided to go back to Sergio apartment to sleep or watch a movie. So after 2.30 am he was still not back and I started to get worried. So I went down to check how the party was and was also thinking of joining it back Sergio but the party was boring as usual and decided to let Sergio had some more fun since most of his friends were there. Then I came back home kindda upset with the party and decided to sleep for awhile while wanting for him to come and ring the doorbell in probably in 30 mins or so. At 4am I woke up and he was still not back yet, I got really frustrated already and messaged him "hey, dun come back k.morning" and guess what he replied "Yea ill explain" He got me to the point where I was totally in anger and upset that I decided to pack my bag and walk back to my house in the wee hours of morning. So I walk down to the party and saw that he was there and still drinking i think his 50th bottle of beer. I was thinking great hes not going to come back and I messaged him to come out and take his keys so that i could go back home. He told me that he had to discussed something with the people that organized the party and in a little while his going back. As I am I had no patience and so many other thoughts were running through my head, I immediately told him "Nevermind, i'm going home. Here are your keys." and he pulled me and told me to go back home with him. So in the end i took pity on him and decided to go back with him to his room. Once we got into the room he said that "You know what, I'm tired of fighting with you. After Costa Rica, it's over" I dun know what to say I don't know do. I feel so lost at that moment and I do not want to lose him. He keep on bring the old stuff about Sooraj and those guys which were flirting with me and I keep on telling him that I am not like that anymore I love him and the only person that I think is him. But he just blew everything up and as I was confused and lost. I also rised my voice and begged  him to stay with me.We quarelled the whole night till he decided that he had enough and went to sleep. It's okay that the night was very cold and he had hugged all the covers. I actually went to the toilet and cried and tried to sleep but I though that would seem very childish and so I decided to hugged Sergio through the night so that I could at least feel his warmth. I do not want to break up with him like that. Hes always been my pillar of support and the only guy who makes me feel better of myself cause hes there with me. I want to see us so much longer and I am so attached to him. I don't know how and don't want to let him go. Whatever guy that look at him, my heart says sorry I'm attached to someone already and hes Sergio Santisteban. But he will never trust me when I say that. If that is what you want, then thanks for all the things and thoughts that i was thinking about you all the time.

I Found It Back!

I found my purse back on Monday! The people in Zebra founded it and called the school back. Went there and yep, it was my purse. Everything was there except the money. =(

What an unlucky day.

Great, today was the most unluckiest day ever again. My purse got stolen in H&M. My B-permit was inside, my  600 Euro and 61 Francs was inside which I took out on thursday for my France trip, my debit card, my Glies 7, my Insurance card, my student card, my Malaysian IC, my necklace, my emulate, my praying things, my coupons, and other stuff. Great. All got lost. And the worst part was I am going to France next week and my 600 Euro. Ugh, my heart drop dead on the floor. Gosh, why am I so unlucky. It happen that I was shopping at H&M then there was this girl who knock into me twice. The first time, when she knock into me, I though that what the hell, I am also looking at these clothes okay. Then the second time when she knock me she had a lot of clothes with her and were squeezing behind me. then after she got through, I found that my bag was open and went to check if everything was inside, then I found out that my purse was missing. I got panic and try finding it under the the racks of clothes but it wasn't there. Then I went around searching for that girl but she was not there already. I quickly called angel and raven to tell them what had happened. They were so nice to help me go to school and tell the nightguard but it was not much of a help. We then wet to the police station to make a report. I gave the policewomen details about the woman which was she look like a indian and gypsie a bit, shorter than me and had like dark brown eyes i guess. That was all I remember. Ugh. I should have been more clever to take out the much sum of money and left it at home. I'm soo dumb and blur. I want to improve myself. I really want to. 

Hi There!

How's everything? It's been so long since I have been blogging. School started this week and I had like all the good teachers that I like. Closed down my Facebook recently cause it kindda demotivated me and so. So now it's back to blogging and looking at people's tumblr I guess. I have been pretty upset and all with my boyfriend for a few months now. Don't know why, probably I thought he is perfect in every way and when he does something wrong I just think that it get to my nerves and frustrates me. For example when he doesn't go to school and such with the excuse of being sleepy and all it just frustrates me cause he used to be not like that and maybe cause I am a "always-go-to-school-girl" when he doesn't go, I just think like he doesn't really care about school. Been having ups and downs in this relationship since coming back after my Internship after 6 months. I think it's in a way my fault cause I'm very short-tempered, low confidence and insecure with how I look most of the times. So with Sergio in my life right now, I think he's the best person that ever help me in my life and I just hope that he kindda change for the better a bit. But anyways, in the end this guy made me melt my heart for him everytime we spend our time together.I want to give special thanks to Everlyn Chew cherryxcupid.blogspot.com  cause I think her blog is so nice and I love it how she writes her blog. By the way,during the term break I went to Lugano with five other friends!

Yep, we slept at the train station!

Beautiful izzit it?
Here are some of the photos that I took there before my battery unfutunately runs flat.

A mornring supermarket typical here in swiss!

Me standing behind a waterfall. <3

This place was beautiful called Gandria, with small houses located on a cliff.

Thats all. Not much pictures, sorry! Hope you enjoy your day! Oh and sorry for my blog, not a very good blogger yet.
                                                                                  

Nobody likes me.

Nobody likes me.

Answer here

I'm Open But This is my Limits.

Wear my shoes and tell me how much it feels. They're kindda glittery but it hurts like a bitch. 

I'm using this colour coa it's not my favorite colour and thats how i feel. Anyway, sometimes i ACT like a total naughty girl and people might say i'm like dirty minded. BUT, FYI i say dirty I don't think I can ever do that when it's hands on . I feel traumatised and digusted if I ever think about you thinking that I would do something like that. 

When you think that all skies are grey.

Like always,my blogs are always late and un-updated.Last two days I had just this stress break down and I cried like crazy.It was about work and also somethings that my "boss" to me.At work is like since my co-worker,the Hong-Kong girl quited I have been doing the service kindda alone and sometimes only one or two of my boss friends will come and help but still I feel like I'm doing the whole service alone.There is also another Malaysian girl working with me but she works at sushi bar and only comes out and help me once in a while and sometimes I think even she helps she only does the things that she wanna do,leaving me doing most of the jobs still.I mean like sometimes I know I need help but I'm kindda afraid to ask and I have this initiative to do the job on my own just to show I'm a hardworking girl which I know I am.There is just so much stress trying to do my best at work till like my mind is like constantly thinking about work and I don't even know when will it ever rest.I mean a lot of people will say "When you finish work,leave your mind at the work place and when you are at home,don't think about work." I don't know,I just can't seem to do that, and the only time I don't think about work is when I'm talking to Sergio.He gives me peace and let my mind rest for awhile.I just broke down in the shower and cried letting the water run and I cried myself to sleep too.Probably It's my first working experience and that explain all the pressure. Iwould usually try to think that I can get through it and stand up for myself like what I did when I was back in high school, in St.John and Interact.I just had to be patience for another 10 days and I'm done.I'm sorry that I can't work for another 4 more days.The first agreement was until 14 June and I have been trying to do my best every morning and every night. My mind is constantly about work and sometimes I feel like I have been left out and I think I deserve more since I have been trying to do my best and been working really hard till now.I don't want money.I just want to feel like more appreciated at work sometimes I just hope that people will treat each other people better.I'm just so so so tired.Wanna be back in school so badly.Let the days pass quickly please.I sometimes think I have killed myself thousand times in my head. 

Your's eternally.

Sorry for all the late post as always.=(Gah,I'm so not good at this and since my Internet modem broke down, going to the net is kindda hard now.I so clumsy man.Anyways, how are you peeps out there?Mine's been kindda nice in the past weekend as I was back in Luzern on Monday till Tuesday mid-day to visit my bf and we had a great time.All we did was sleeping in,watching tv, watch a horror movie which he recommended and going out on walks.


I suddenly realise that not every guys out there are nice to you and JUST YOU gotta take care of yourself in this world cause you will be the only one standing up for yourself.BUT, I'm happy I have found someone who knows me and is willing to be there for me 24/7.You really been LOADS to get me back after we broke up the first time.You know how to treat me how a guy should treat every girl.You respect me and i am thankful for that.I have never been in a relationship which I can say i feel most secure with.Never did it cross my mind that I could find someone like you here,Sergio Santisteban.You did make an impact in my life here for me.I'm happy that I'm with you.You make me feel secure(thanks for not letting me walk near the road everytime) and thanks for calling me everyday. You're the Best Boyfriend ever.

For Leonie, a Fighter.

Kong Leonie,I don't really know what to say here.I wish i was back in Malaysia to see you face to face.Talk to you, hear everything beside you, lend you my shoulder to cry on and hug you whenever you feel like crying when you are scared of whats going to happend in the future.I know the future is hard and you are trembling in every nerve of yours.As I am writhing this post,I can feel how you are feeling.I may not feel the pain but I know you are very scared.


Leonie sayang, whatever happens WE are here for you always,THE WHOLE GANG.Whenever we are here for you.Don't forget you have people like us to lean your back on and remember those times when we would send letteres to each other in school.I brought it to swiss together with me.Your friends in school,outside,family,us,GOD..will do whatever we can to keep your hopes up and you my girl,YOU CAN FIGHT THIS. I'm sorry I can't be there to hold your hand when you go for those chemo sessions and operations.BUT I AM HERE MENTALLY thinking about your health and how you are everyday.I wanna go back to the times when we go crazy and be all lesbians about everything.Wait for me a few more years okay.I wanna see you,my dear friend,girlfriend and sister in every other way.

ur hair is not black!!

cause i dye it la..=.="
why you smoke?

I wanna know more about this freaking world and me!!grr..hehe.

Can you teleport back to Malaysia right now? I miss you Ling. A lot. :(

awwww..sometimes i wonder where the word teleport come from.cause the word teleport will not exist if it somethings like that doesn't happen.SIAPA INVENTED TELOPORT??I WANT TO TELEPORT TO MALAYSIA TO C MY LEONIE!

i miss you too,kong leonie<3

I wanna know more about this freaking world and me!!grr..hehe.

1.

i honestly did this because i want you to realize,hold my hand,look me in the eyes and ask me to stay for once.

1.

EVERYONE ASKS ME WHY I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, I SAY I DON'T KNOW BUT ITS BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE.

thanks for reading my blog without permission.i let you in so much and everytime i let you in,you invaded my privacy and it now makes me take one step.wow, you really had the guts.Yea, I'm going straight back home after everything.I don't wanna put up with shit all over again.

You Are A Blue Leopard.

Today i went to shopping with my Malaysian room mate.1 word.DIE. She was suppose to buy black pants and black shoes for work.BUT..SHE SPEND MORE THAN ME.LIKE $300 MORE THAN ME.LOLS LA WE TWO.It was like totally fun,seriously.In the end we didn't eat lunch and for dinner is instant dinner.I know..macam kaya sangat tapi balik rumah makan instant noodle.HERE IS WHAT I SPEND ON IN JUST ONE DAY.

 my boyfriend birthday and valentine's day pressie!*hopefully can fit le*

macam ni boleh ar?suit him anot??*fingers cross*

my room mate buy.NAVYBOOT HEELS.there was like 50% sale wei.It was like $2**.** somethings la.AND it cost $149.** after that.SO SUPER NICE.

my H&M buys!!!I wanted to like buy the brown one since like last week!

stupiak you know..i spend so much already,still wanna go coop and buy food.TAMAK ME.

splurge at Starbucks some more.Cai Ling Cai Ling~~

AND AT LAST.MY CHINESE NEW YEAR GIFT FOR MYSELF..

My First High Heels!!Super comfy..and it cost $87.50!!

my little babies!Quenie(my room mate) was like buy la..comfy and IT'S THE LAST SIZE LE!I'm now SUPER panjang!

the receipts(except Starbucks)

I spend like $215.55..shittttt.

i will be eating instant noodles for next few weeks.Gonna be botak soon.New hairstyle.Tomolo got work..kthanksbye.instantnoodlemylife.

lovelyn

xoxoxoxo

My Boyfriend's Birthday!!!

hello baby..the 1st of this month is your 23rd Birthday.I hope everything in life is being good to you like how you are to me.I want to love you like how you love me and hope the feelings that you have for me stays forever and I WILL try my best to be that gf that I was to be with you ok??Happy Bithday,mi amor.xoxoxoox.

I wonder if I still misses you at times.

Ugh..My Hands.My Hands.My Hands

Okk..since i'm in my IT right now,should be blogging something about it rite?Actually hor all also stoopid shit la..GOT LEARNED SOMETHING LA.which is...not being so blur during my working time and during that time my mind is at least not fill with emptyness *insects chirping*.Here is my "Daily Duties"


Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday,Sunday(morning before)

• mop floor(2 floors boleh tak!asshole..no wonder my hands like dip in acid stuff edi.)
• put down chairs
• do the mis-en-place
• do the ice machine
• boil hot water
• set up table for stuff
• bring down lunch
• finish eating oredi bring evelibodi plates up.
• polish glasses
• check fridge
• bring down the miso soup
• set up table for customers.

Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday,Sunday(morning after)

• clean glasses
• clean menu
• refill fridge
• clean table
• set up table for dinner
• put candle
• clean toilet.
• clean the bar.

Oh btw,I have like Satuday and Sunday half day off.Then Monday I have whole day off.

Shit all the chemicals,washing,putting on a fake smile and french.ugh.my hands boleh same rank as my grandma edi.see..something is wrong with the pictures of my hands..so will upload later aite.Haiz..somethimes the restaurants is so busy then gotta run up and down to put the dirty dishes which is like 2nd floor.THen when it's like busy..1000 of things are like running through your mind at the same time like you gotta know what table is eating what and should you ask the kitchen to "go" to cook the next dish.ARGH.Nvm..I CAN TAHAN.

Sooo banyak things to remember and if you like forgot or do wrongly,the boss will like say you,then the customers thats like sitting near the bar can hear.SO EMBERASSING.Then next week my senior is going and then I will be left with two new trainees which I had to teach them when my boss say that I gotta improve and not still up to that standard yet.Haiz..I wanna be supervisor leh.DAmn.HIGH HOPES.=/ 

formspring.me

I wanna know more about this freaking world and me!!grr..hehe. http://formspring.me/carolyncailing

Taylor Swift - Back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life, tell me how's your family

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier then ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side,

Realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night,

The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and

I go back to December, turn around and make it alright and

I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and

I go back to December all the time

MY ROOM MATE FOR 6 MONTHS, MY OTHER BANANA TWIN, SUNFLOWER AND MY SWISS BEST FRIEND

My Dearest Yang..gosh,I can't believe you are celebrating your 19 Birthday here in Swiss actually.I mean,like wow,if I din call you that day and told you I was coming here to study,I wonder where you will be right now.Probably all this is a blessing in disguise la..since all the shit and lucks that I've been through in this new life, at least I can say you were one of my pillar of support and someone who I confine like every detail of my life.I didn't know that we have so much in common.Haha..gotta admit we both did get on a rough patch on the begining and disagreeing with each other now and then.But,man..after all that,we were like so close.Never had I open up to someone so much before.And since back in Malaysia all we do is go school,prefect duty,go class,recess for 20 minutes,then go back class,bell ring,go home then thats it.Same routine the next 4 or 5 days.So true..we been through ALOT friends backstabbing each other,st.john,seniors always picking on us then the next day your the sore loser and beesh,parents and when it comes to heart matters,boys.Well,we got close since coming here right,room mate?Damn,I miss the times with us waking up early like 3am to study for our 1st term in school.Then we got lazier and lazier every term.Sleep like pig then wake up jump into shower then go breakfast then sama-sama go school.

Thanks la Evy,for being here with me for a year and you had a choice to study what you wanted actually.You been one great friend of mine.Macam my own personal twin.Think like me one.Then everytime make me zadao.=.=".Haiz..gonna miss your zadao-ness when your gone!It was really good for me lorh..opening up,taking care of me when I'm sick AND ESPECIALLY when it comes to the matter of the heart,you ARE the best to confine to over a hot cup of chocolate for all seasons.Okok..I dun want to sound like a lesbian edi.I think this blog post kindda ro ma.Anyways,I admire you the most here!German better than me,confidence also,if wanna marah someone..just shoot..unlike me.mousey a little.I will miss you when you're gone in like 2 months.I thought that we still be roomates with angel and raven at the same apartment,go old town walk walk,hang out at football field,H&M shopping,go do "naughty stuff" ;).Haiz,but I understand.Friends come and go but YOU BEESH,YOU,YES YOU,YOU BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME HOR.IF NOT I KILL YOU WHEN I GO BACK MALAYSIA.I LOVEE YOU TO THE MAX LA.YOU KEEP ME STRONG ENOUGH HERE.

"Damn,we use to hate each other last time.I wonder if I hug her I can get 9 As for SPM?"

the paling passionate room in the hostel

Room 69 <3

=))

thank you for following me see ricardo.=P

sexay view.spot check die.mr thong come and check lagi malu muke.

memories in the new apartment.

baboon

koppycat

my phone's wallpaper!

then after coming back from malaysia.Everlyn Heng become like this.Haiz turning 19.Aiks..i turn to duck,u turn to chimpmunk?!

cute rite???see at least i made a snowman when i visit you.=)

hehe..my army boy.

At The End..and for more to come..

 my long time childhood friend.